Childhood with Lobster

Childhood with Lobster

Be careful with that lobster; it might go off!
My father had a deep mistrust of strong-clawed crustaceans.

I was only six then, and unaware of the consequences
Of juxtaposing my green youth with raw sea-food.

He said someone so young should be more obvious
And made me wear a baguette on my head.

You could look like a toreador he said, or William Tell
From a distance. He then expounded the merits of ants.

At school I was ribbed because my uniform
Suggested a chest of drawers. Back then, no-one

Appreciated visual puns. In English,
I got detention for approximating my bedroom with Mae West,

And in Math I was dropped down a year
For applying Pythagoras' Theorem to the History of Western Art.

Eventually I was expelled
For burning down the school with my hair.