Jul/Aug 2023  •   Humor & Satire

Newsletter of the Nigerian Princes Support Group

by David Guaspari

Photo Art by Michael Dooley

Photo Art by Michael Dooley

Good news! Regular Monday meetings will resume, 7:30 PM, Masonic Temple party room. New members welcome to exciting program of events! Snapple provided.


Jan. 3, Channeling Your Inner Nigerian

Following tradition, the New Year begins with one of our most popular presentations, delivered by the member known variously as Mrs. Francios Kone, Telex director, Central Bank of Burkina Faso / Mr. Warren Edward Buffet Billionaire American Investor and Philanthropist / MR. ANTHONY OFOMA, Chief Protocol Officer, Dispatch Unit, United Nations / Ms. Mirinda Johnson, daughter of late Mr. Paul Johnson, former deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Kumba Yala of Guinea Bissau.

Kone/Buffett/OFOMA/Johnson will dispel many myths about the Nigerian Princes Support Group, such as that membership is permitted only to those who are Nigerian or a Prince. As she/he/he/she explains, all have an inner Nigerian Prince who needs only to be found and released. This delightful evening is specially valuable for those wishing to explore membership in NPSG—and, although we do not know you in person, nor even have we seen you before, but due to the trust and confidence we have in you are eager to share unique opportunities with you so kindly consider the meeting as confidential, requiring only (for your safety and hers/his/his/hers) name, address, mobile number, email, full banking details, and scanned copy of passport or drivers license.


Jan. 10, Managing Your Money

As so often, there is a problem. One cannot manage money one hasn't got—or hasn't gotten out of the country: an inheritance just beyond reach, parents imprisoned or assassinated or who wish to assassinate yourself, lacking of girlfriend or boyfriend or other who will serve as trusted courier. Who has not had, as Americans say, such "hassles"? And without money, what is one to do? One is too proud, we trust, to sell one's body.

But so many many boring things to know about, so much blah blah just to get started: power of attorney, wills and estate law, dormant accounts, money mules, wire transfer, extradition laws—and monetary instruments, so many kinds of monetary instruments! Negotiable, incomplete, bearer form, and more! Almost making one despair and wonder what is even the point of being a Prince. But not to worry. All new members of the Nigerian Prince Support Group are matched with a "Big Brother" or "Big Sister" learned in such knowledge. A tip of 30 percent is customary.


Jan. 17, Getting Back on the Dating Scene

Nigerian Princes are people persons, loving especially people in remote foreign lands with solid Internet connections. So one must depart from the couch and join the dating game—a difficult journey, we know, and challenging after a long day helping foolish people reluctant to accept remarkable job offers or lottery winnings.

All starts with being the best Nigerian Prince one can be. Self-love and self-care, of course. But more. Mr. Ahmed Shaheen. Chief Executive Officer International Capital LLC / Miss Nina Mark, 20 years of age, from Nshili District of Gikomgoro Province in Republic of Rwanda / Mr. Boris Johnson Prime Minister, United kingdom of Great Britain gives a not to be missed workshop. He/she/he will discuss, among other important topics:

Overcoming fear of rejection and of Nigerian Criminal Procedures Code section 419

Allowing oneself to be vulnerable without leaving an electronic trail

The "getting real" question: Where do I want to be five years after getting my inheritance / my lottery winnings / my loving husband / ...?

Stories will be shared, also photos and mailing lists.


Jan. 24, Winter Mixer!

Time to shake off post-holiday blues! Rock to Oldies with fellow Nigerian Princes and also with the Exiled Minister of Finance Support Group, the American Billionaire Investor and Philanthropist Support Group, the Coordinators of National Lotteries Support Group, and the Refugee Orphan Looking for Love Support Group. In response to member feedback, certain groups and individuals will not be invited back. We mean you, Russian Beauties Looking for a Boyfriend, and Dr. Mrs. Elizabeth Henderson, of Lloyds TSB Bank and also, she says, Facebook Claim Agent UK.

Adding to the merriment will be games, including favorites Guess That Password! and Where's The Check? Those wishing to perform in the talent show, please to inform us one week in advance as this year we limit the number of Elvis impersonators. Those wishing to participate in the fun and lucrative 50/50 drawing, please bring blank checks in excellent condition.


Jan. 31, No meeting

The annual Nigerian Princes Support Group Executive Committee retreat takes place in a palace at an undisclosed location.

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE. We hope to see you in the New Year and await your urgent reply.