|Apr/May 2016 Humor/Satire|
Joke #1: Donald Barthelme, Etgar Keret, and a psychoanalyst walk into a bar, take a seat, and the bartender, who happens to be a duck, asks, "What would you three gentleman like to have tonight?" Donald Barthelme says, "I'd like to have ten more years." Etgar Keret says, "That sounds good... let me have another ten years, too." To which the psychoanalyst says, "I'll have the same." The duck, sensing irony, asks, "What's this, some kind of joke?" to which the three reply, "Ha, ha, ha."
Joke#1A: Donald Barthelme, Etgar Keret, and a duck walk into a bar, and the bartender, who happens to be a trained psychoanalyst, asks, "What are you three gentleman having this evening?" Donald Barthelme says, "I'll have ten more years." Etgar Keret says, "Yea, sounds good. I'll have the same." The duck says, "I think I'll have a dry martini with two olives." The bartender/psychoanalyst replies, "What's this, some kind of joke?" to which the three reply with giggles.
Joke #1B: Donald Barthelme, a psychoanalyst, and a duck walk into a bar. They take seats, and the bartender is Etgar Keret. None of the three seem to realize who the bartender actually is, or if they do, they're not letting on. Etgar Keret recognizes Donald Barthelme, who's been dead for 26 years, and asks, "What would you three gentleman like to drink this evening?" Donald Barthelme replies, "My usual, ten more years." The psychoanalyst says, "I'll have the same." And the duck says, "Give me a dry martini with two, maybe three olives." Rather than making the drinks, Etgar Keret begins to tell a story. It's a story he's told many times before. It's rather lengthy , maybe 1,937 words, and goes like this: Etgar Keret and three men are sitting in Etgar's apartment. One man is a bearded Swede, one a Moroccan taking a survey, and the third a pizza deliveryman. They all harbor ill will and weaponry. They are demanding an interesting story from Etgar, one he must produce on the spot. No easy thing. Clearly Etgar is in a fix, but it all turns out for the best in the end. Pretty good story. To which Donald Barthelme, the psychoanalyst, and the duck reply, "Is this some sort of joke?" Etgar Keret responds quickly, "Well, yes, and no."
Joke #1C: Etgar Keret, a psychoanalyst, and a duck walk into a bar and take seats. The bartender is Donald Barthelme, no surprise there, and he asks, "What would you three gentleman like to drink?" Etgar Keret says, "I'd like ten more years." The psychoanalyst says, "Me too," and the duck says, predictably enough, "I'll have a dry Martini with no olives." To which Donald Barthelme replies, "I think I'm correct in guessing that you three don't seem to recognize me. I'm Donald Barthelme, born in 1933 and died in 1989. Some have said my reputation as a writer is unmatched, and I've been referred to as the penultimate post-modern essayist. It's true I didn't write "Frank Sinatra has a cold," but I did write "And Now Let's Hear It For The Ed Sullivan Show." Have any of you read it? The duck answers, "Yes, but why no mention of Topo Gigio, the little Italian mouse everyone loved so much?" To this Donald Barthelme shows a wry smile and says nothing for a while but seems to show deep respect for the duck. He finally asks, "What's this, some sort of joke?" to which the duck stares him down and says, "Quack, quack, quack!" reminiscent of the way Melville repeated words three times when he wrote Moby Dick. The duck wonders if Donald Barthelme will get the connection.
Joke #1D: A duck, Donald Barthelme, Etgar Keret, and a psychoanalyst walk into a bar. They make themselves comfortable and simultaneously notice the bartender looks an awful lot like David Foster Wallace. David Foster Wallace is attired in his usual garb, which includes the white bandana. The duck is the only one who looks sad about this. David Foster Wallace is not paying attention to them but is rather intently watching something on a television set situated above the bar. He has his back to them. The sound of the show is nearly inaudible, but it is clear it's some kind of halftime performance at a high school basketball game. There are a line of eight incredibly cute cheerleaders dressed in blue and white short skirts expertly throwing and catching their batons and doing some kind of kick dance. As David Foster Wallace listens, he thinks he may hear them chant "Donald Barthelme he's our man, if he can't do it, nobody can!" The duck is also able to hear this since he has acute duck-like hearing, and he asks rhetorically, "Is this some kind of joke?" To which David Foster Wallace finally turns away from the television, looks at the duck, and says, "I'm not sure."
Joke #1E: David Foster Wallace, Donald Barthelme, Etgar Keret, a psychoanalyst, and a duck walk into a bar, seat themselves and notice the bartender appears to be a 7,035 carat emerald. The emerald smiles and asks, "So what would you gentleman like to drink this evening?" The five say in unison, "We'd like ten more years." To which the emerald says, "Let me ask you something. Exactly how I am supposed to give you ten more years, seeing as two of you are already dead? To this David Foster Wallace says, "Well, I thought maybe that possibly..." Donald Barthelme interrupts, seeing that DFW seems to be acting apologetically, and says, "Well, perhaps if you could summon someone from above. Let's say a doctor who is a saint and well versed in medical resuscitation practices." The emerald looks at Donald Barthelme with a smirk and turns to Etgar Keret, the psychoanalyst, and the duck, and says, "I'd advise you three to listen up. These two jokers are asking for something I can't deliver." With that the duck walks out of the bar, followed by Etgar Keret and the psychoanalyst. Upon reaching the sidewalk, the duck turns to Etgar Keret and the psychoanalyst, winks at them, and flies toward a traffic light. The duck rips the traffic light from the steel wire and flies away with it. Etgar Keret and the psychoanalyst look at each other in astonishment. Numerous pedestrians watch this strange sight and also appear perplexed.
Joke #1F: Donald Barthelme and David Foster Wallace walk into 21 Club in midtown Manhattan. The bartender looks at them, gives them both a big smile, and says, "Welcome back, friends. Great to see you again!"