I Really Am Sorry


Hey gentle readers, sorry to cheese out on you this month, but "technical difficulties" associated with my recent move to the Southwest have kept me from delivering a quality editorial. At least, I should say, an editorial of the quality I'm capable of delivering without the sort of difficulties I've been experiencing.

Please know that I did TRY to write an editorial. In fact, I started a number of them. There was my warm and fuzzy tribute to a pair of hot air balloons, the unexpected sight of which brightened my morning a few weeks back. There was the beginning of a cutting and potentially humorous political commentary, titled "Some Days are Better than Others." It talked about how some mornings I wake up feeling like I'm Bill Clinton, others like Bob Dole. I leave it to the particularly gentle reader to discern the difference between these two kinds of days.

Another budding editorial that didn't quite make it to full bloom came about after a trip to the mall exploded into an argument over parking protocol. I intended to ask the question "Which is more important, to park between the lines or between the cars?" and discuss the many philosophical issues related to the same. Five pages of torpid prose later, I realized this is no easy issue to nail down. Maybe I can resolve it in a future editorial, but right now, in my present state, beset by difficulties of a nature both technical and not, I simply cannot deliver the goods.

It is a shame, though, that I didn't do an editorial this month. There are so many amazing things out there, just begging discussion. Take the recent media announcement that the Pope had embraced Darwin's theory of evolution, when in fact the Pope had actually said that any theory which belies a divine plan or purpose was a crock of horse-pucky (I AM paraphrasing). This seems to conflict pretty directly with the Darwinian tenet that species survive or are destroyed by an environment free of both malice and compassion. All of which makes an interesting springboard into the discussion of the Pope himself (just what exactly IS his role in today's world?), science in general, evolution in particular (for our purposes, is it more useful to think of evolution as a creation myth--one of many--than as a scientific theory, even if most of us believe it's true?), and last but not least, the dissemination of "truth" by our global mass media (there being two kinds of "truth" the global mass media seems to prefer: half-truths and un-truths).

Another thing that makes my lack of an editorial all the more tragic is the remarkable upheaval my life has undergone this month. It would've been nice to share with you, the ever so gentle reader (by the way, I don't know where in the HELL this "gentle reader" crap is coming from--know that I mean it to be wryly amusing, but that I realize it's mostly just annoying... so I guess I do it to amuse myself, even though I find it annoying also, which is, I think, where the wry part comes in), the many lessons I've learned about myself and about life, about unemployment, about homesickness, about what it's like to have symbolic nightmares every night that progress chronologically through each period of my life, highlighting the many ways that I screwed up in each.

All of these things will just have to wait to be properly discussed in a future editorial. Many probably just won't ever BE discussed, and all because I couldn't overcome my "technical difficulties" and just WRITE A DAMNED EDITORIAL. I really am sorry.

Tom Dooley
Eclectica Magazine
November, 1996


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